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Trojan Voodoo/Script
This is the entire script for the Grand Theft Auto: Vice City mission Trojan Voodoo. This page includes both the original script and the edited script that was used when the game was edited for re release. Scripts Unedited Version (Café Robina, Umberto Robina approaches two women in his fathers café.) Umberto Robina: Hey, ladies. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna kill me a Haitian. And then? And then I'm going to make love like a man. You know that, chica? Something like this. (Umberto starts humping the air and one of the women throws coffee on his crotch. Then the women leave) Umberto Robina: ARRRGH!! Female Customer 1: Loser! Female Customer 2: Prick. Umberto Robina: Hey, baby, I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole! Umberto Robina, he likes the ladies! Not some goat in a skirt! (Tommy Vercetti arrives) Umberto Robina: Tommy!! Tommy, I love you, I love you! Let's go! Tommy Vercetti: Go where? Can't I get a cup of coffee first? Umberto Robina: No time for coffee! Besides, I just had one. Tommy Vercetti: Oh. Umberto Robina: We gonna take out the Haitians. Tommy, how do you take out a snake? You bite him in the ass! Hahaha! Tommy Vercetti: Whatever you say, Umberto. Umberto Robina: Tommy, you go and get us a little Haitian car. When you get it, come back and pick up my boy, Pepe, and take him out to the Haitians. Then, you go around to the Haitians processing plant, and you use their solvent as an explosive. Boom! Bye bye! Tommy Vercetti: Whatever you say, Umberto. Umberto Robina: Hey Tommy! Tommy! Use their solvent as an explosive. Boom! Bye bye! Tommy Vercetti: Umberto, what about you? Umberto Robina: Uhh... I'm going to stay behind, and watch over the cafe with Poppa. He not feeling so good. You know? (Little Havana, Tommy Vercetti) Tommy Vercetti: The last thing I needed was this. Maybe the last thing I needed was an enema. But this comes close... (Tommy acquires a Voodoo) Pepe: Oye, let's go find our muchachos! (If Tommy leaves the Voodoo) Pepe: Hey, we need a Haitian gang car! (If Tommy drives into northern Little Havana without taking the main road) Pepe: Man, this a nice part of town... (If Tommy drives past the Little Havana Streetwear & Tattoo Parlour) Pepe: I had a beautiful woman... lived around this neighborhood. (If Tommy drives into western Little Haiti) Pepe: This place is a dump, man. (If Tommy drives past the Little Haiti Well Stacked Pizza Co. restaurant) Pepe: You know, they do nice pizzas here. (If Tommy drives close to the destination, regardless of speed) Pepe: Whoah, man. You drive like a crazy bitch! (If Tommy drives for more than a minute) Pepe: You lost, man? (Meeting spot, Rico, Pepe and Tommy Vercetti) Rico: Hola, amigos. Oy - the solvent is round the back, amigo. Pepe: Bueno. Haitian Putas. Muerte. Rico: Vamos. Tommy Vercetti: Vamos indeed. Pepe: Follow my compadres. (Drug plant, Tommy Vercetti) Tommy Vercetti: I'm going to plant the bomb, cover me! Edited Version (Café Robina, Umberto Robina approaches two women in his fathers café.) Umberto Robina: Hey! Heh heh heh... Hey, ladies. You know what I'm gonna do? And then I'm going to make love like a man. You know that, chica? Something like this. (Umberto starts humping the air and one of the women throws coffee on his crotch. Then the women leave) Umberto Robina: ARRRGH!! Female Customer 1: Loser! Female Customer 2: Prick. Umberto Robina: Hey, baby, I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole! Umberto Robina, he likes the ladies! Not some goat in a skirt! (Tommy Vercetti arrives) Umberto Robina: Tommy!! Tommy, I love you, I love you! Let's go! Tommy Vercetti: Go where? Can't I get a cup of coffee first? Umberto Robina: No time for coffee! Besides, I just had one. Tommy Vercetti: Oh. Umberto Robina: Tommy, how do you take out a snake? You bite him in the ass! Hahaha! Tommy Vercetti: Whatever you say, Umberto. Umberto Robina: Hey Tommy! Tommy! Use their solvent as an explosive. Boom! Bye bye! Tommy Vercetti: Umberto, what about you? Umberto Robina: Uhh... I'm going to stay behind, and watch over the cafe with Poppa. He not feeling so good. You know? (Little Havana, Tommy Vercetti) Tommy Vercetti: The last thing I needed was this. Maybe the last thing I needed was an enema. But this comes close... (Tommy acquires a Voodoo) Pepe: Oye, let's go find our muchachos! (If Tommy drives into northern Little Havana without taking the main road) Pepe: Man, this a nice part of town... (If Tommy drives past the Little Havana Streetwear & Tattoo Parlour) Pepe: I had a beautiful woman... lived around this neighborhood. (If Tommy drives into western Little Haiti) Pepe: This place is a dump, man. (If Tommy drives past the Little Haiti Well Stacked Pizza Co. restaurant) Pepe: You know, they do nice pizzas here. (If Tommy drives close to the destination, regardless of speed) Pepe: Whoah, man. You drive like a crazy bitch! (If Tommy drives for more than a minute) Pepe: You lost, man? (Meeting spot, Rico, Pepe and Tommy Vercetti) Rico: Hola, amigos. Oy - the solvent is round the back, amigo. Pepe: Bueno. Putas. Muerte. Rico: Vamos. Tommy Vercetti: Vamos indeed. Pepe: Follow my compadres. (Drug plant, Tommy Vercetti) Tommy Vercetti: I'm going to plant the bomb, cover me! See Also... * Trojan Voodoo/Walkthrough